Don't Mess With My Man
by Cielita
Summary: PG for kisses! AD.MM, PP.AM, SS.RH. Missing ScenesMusings. Professor Dumbledore mentions Madam Pomfrey in book 1, but we don't meet her until book 2. Why? FUNNY! PLease R&R!


**_Book I: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone _**

_Missing Scenes/Musings  _

**_"Don't Mess With My Man" _**

_Summary: In chapter 1, Professor Dumbledore brings up Madam Pomfrey, yet we don't actually meet her until book 2.  Why the wait?  _

**            "You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly.  "Voldemort has powers I will never have." **

**            "Only because you're too—well—noble to use them." **

**            "It's lucky it's dark.  I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."  **

            Professor Minerva McGonagall didn't go to the parties that night.  She went back to Hogwarts.  She was fuming.  The scene at the Dursley's played over and over in her head.  It wasn't enough that Dumbledore was leaving an innocent one-year-old baby on the doorstep of the most Muggle of Muggle families, but to make that comment about his earmuffs was—well—insensitive.  Minerva had hoped that her attraction to Dumbledore was unchallenged, but now it seemed that her own best friend was plotting against her.  

            Who did Poppy Pomfrey think she was?  

            She slipped her emerald robes off her shoulders and let them fall in a heap on the floor of her room.  She heard a familiar voice down in the courtyard and went quickly to the window to see.  There, in the moonlit yard, was Dumbledore and he was walking with someone.  She couldn't quite tell who it was as her back was turned, but as she turned to face him and he took her hands in his, Minerva could feel her body temperature rising and that little vein in her neck beginning to throb.  Albus took the woman's hands and lightly kissed the palm of each one before leaning in to kiss her lips.  It was now as plain as could be that Minerva's suspicions had been correct.  Madam Pomfrey was, as the students put it, messing with her man.  

**********************************

            Down below, Dumbledore and Pomfrey looked up at McGonagall's open window, looked back at one another and smiled.  

            "Do you think she saw us?" Poppy whispered.  

            "Oh, I'm sure she did.  Cats, my dear Madam Pomfrey, don't miss very much," said Albus.  Madam Pomfrey smiled and laughed, her hands still in Albus'.  

            "We officially have one upset tabby cat on our hands, Professor," said Poppy.  

            "Yes," he replied.  "Mission accomplished, wouldn't you say?" Both still chuckling, they returned to the castle, sure that they had given their feline friend something to think about.  

            When they reached the headmaster's office, a very eager Rolanda Hooch was waiting for them.  

            "Did it work?  Did she take the bait?" Rolanda hissed, peering down the corridor to be sure that Minerva had not followed.  

            "She did indeed.  This is downright obnoxious, Rolanda.  I don't know how I let you talk me into things like this," said Poppy.  Rolanda looked at her and made a face. 

            "Did you not grow up with us?  This is the only way that stubborn Scottish woman is ever going to admit what she already knows," said Rolanda.  

            "You are absolutely certain that she really feels this way?" said Dumbledore, sounding half hopeful that she did and half fearful that she didn't.  

            "Would she be angry if she didn't?" said Rolanda.  

********************************

            The next morning, Minerva walked into the Great Hall looking a bit disheveled.  She hadn't managed to get much sleep, and she was not anticipating having to sit beside Albus at the breakfast table.  She forced her straightest, most pursed-lipped look onto her face and tried not to clench her fists as she walked.  She hardly noticed that students were scooting forward to stay out of her way, and that several shuddered in her wake.  She sat down at her place without saying good morning and ate, heedless of Rolanda Hooch's quiet snickering.  Whatever was she laughing at now?  For some reason, Minerva felt as though she were the butt of some awful joke.  Albus had been flirting with her for years.  Why go about with Poppy now?  Was he trying to play at something with her?  Then she heard it.  She overheard Poppy's conversation to Professor Sprout over her glass of orange juice.  

            "Alastor sent me an owl this morning," Poppy said.  

            "Did he now?  Oh, I'll bet that made your morning!" Sprout replied, a smile lighting her cherubic face.  

            "It did indeed!  He'll be home for three whole weeks after this next mission!  He's hoping to be home by Thursday," said Poppy.  Minerva clutched her fork and nearly bent it in half as she choked back a hiss deep in her throat.  

            "Are you all right, Minerva?" Albus asked, looking up from the bacon that he was so thoroughly enjoying.  

            "Quite all right," said Minerva, rising from her chair and leaving the Great Hall.  She nearly ran all the way back to Gryffindor Tower and shut herself in her room.  She turned the lock to be certain no one disturbed her and, knowing that in this part of the castle no one would hear her, screamed at the top of her lungs.  

            "Poppy Pomfrey you lying, cheating, surreptitious TRAMP!" Minerva yelled, kicking various objects across the room.  The last vase of wildflowers that she had received from Albus was sailing out the open bedroom window when she realized that she hadn't looked to make sure no one was beneath the window.  She rushed over and used her wand to seize the vase and bring it back up before the glass container came crashing down onto Neville Longbottom's head.  

            Minerva sank to the floor of her room and drew her knees up to her chest.  She removed her glasses and rested her head on her knees.  What was she going to do?  She couldn't just let Poppy do such a despicable thing to Albus!  The problem was, should she go to Albus and tell him?  Or should she confront Poppy and give her a crash course in dating etiquette?  

*********************************

            Minerva's classes cowered in fear that day.  They expected that their transfiguration professor would be stern, but today she was downright cruel.  She had drilled them far harder than she had been all week, and had given them all a double helping of homework.  All four houses suffered the homework--wielding wrath of McGonagall.  One clever Gryffindor and his roommates had had to spread out on the floor of their room and collaborate in order to finish it all in one night.  

            That night, Minerva sank into the opulent softness of her comforter, her long silk nightgown slippery against her skin.  Her black hair cascaded over her smooth shoulders as she stretched out on her side and read, her head in her hand and supported on her elbow.  In her free hand she held a glass of wine, and there were candles warming as well as lighting the room.  Minerva took a long, slow drink of her wine and moaned softly as it warmed her from head to toe.  She placed the glass on the floor and tentatively rubbed her shoulder and neck.  On the other side of her keyhole, Albus Dumbledore was watching.  It was a good thing there was no one else about and that it was dark, for Albus was having a hard time not imagining that he was a glove on Minerva's hand or that he was the delicate wine glass that Minerva drank from.  Unable to observe her further without detrimental results, Albus hurried away.  He, Poppy and Rolanda would have to hurry with their scheme.  Lord knew he couldn't hold out forever this way.  

            If Albus had stayed but a few more minutes, he would have seen her stand and stretch, then put away her book, drink the rest of her wine and then promptly crawl into bed and fall deeply asleep.  She was trying hard not to let this situation with Poppy get the best of her, and she hated procrastination, so she would have to do something soon.  Little did she know that her opportunity was coming the following day.  

**********************************

            As she taught that morning, she was feeling decidedly better.  The only thing keeping her back was that smell.  She couldn't tell where it was coming from, but it was obnoxiously rancid and it was beginning to make her sick.  The students seemed not to notice as they worked, but she managed to get back to her desk and sit down before she felt a very queasy feeling wafting over her.  The students must have noticed this time, because several of them came over to see if she was all right.  Several more snickered in the back of the room.  One of the students sent another to go and fetch the nurse.  Minerva would have adamantly refused this, but she didn't have the strength.  She was fighting not to vomit on the student's shoes.  Where in heaven's name was that smell coming from?  She was sure it was her allergies, but she was sure that none of the students knew that she was allergic to squash.  As the students filed out, one of the Ravenclaw boys raised a forkful of warm, fresh cooked squash to his lips as he and his friends laughed.  Minerva lost her stomach's contents on the poor Gryffindor who had come to her rescue just as Madam Pomfrey walked into the classroom.  

            "Minerva!  What's happened?" Poppy cried, kneeling near Minerva and handing her a potion she poured from a glass flask in her bag.  

            "A student…someone brought…(retch)…I'm allergic to…(gag) squash…(retch)," Minerva managed in between gasps for air and the acid burning in her throat.  

            "I'll have to take you to the Hospital Wing," said Madam Pomfrey, helping Minerva to her feet and slowly walking her down the corridors.  When they arrived, Poppy gently lowered Minerva down onto a bed and went to get a cart of supplies.  When she returned, she closed the curtains around the bed just as Minerva retched again, this time aiming for a conveniently placed bucket near the bed.  Poppy felt Minerva's forehead.  She was definitely warmer than she should be.  Poppy gently shook a thermometer in her left hand.  

            "I'll need to take your temperature Minerva," Poppy said.  Minerva looked up at her childhood friend.  

            "You're not putting that where I think you are," said Minerva.  

            "Come now, Minerva, don't be a child about this," said Poppy dryly.  

            "Precisely, I am not a child, and there must be a more appropriate way to administer temperature readings," Minerva argued.  

            "Appropriate maybe," said Poppy.  "But certainly not as accurate." 

            "No, Poppy," Minerva insisted.

            "Just hold still, Minerva," Poppy said.  Minerva rolled her eyes as Poppy bunched the back of Minerva's skirt up to her waist.  A slight pressure and uncomfortable intrusion later, Minerva was grumbling again.  

            "You wouldn't be doing this if I was--"

            "Albus Dumbledore?" Poppy interrupted.  "Yes, I most certainly would." 

            "You could have at least warmed the blasted thing, couldn't you?" Minerva said, her nausea finally beginning to subside.  Poppy rolled her eyes before she got up and walked back around to the cart while she waited for the thermometer, fixing another glass of the potion that she had given Minerva before.  

            "Did I hear you right at breakfast?  Is Alastor coming home?" Minerva said.  

            "Why yes," said Poppy, swirling the drink a bit and examining it in the sunlight before setting it back on the tray.  "Why do you ask?" 

            "I was just thinking, Poppy.  Wouldn't Albus be a bit upset if he found out that he has a bit of competition?" Minerva said.  Minerva winced as Poppy pulled the thermometer away.  Minerva had the distinct feeling that she did it rather more forcefully than was necessary.  

            "Where on earth would you get an idea like that?" Poppy said.  

            "I'm not blind," said Minerva, rising from the bed and straightening her clothes before taking the potion from Poppy's outstretched hand.  "Does he know?" 

            "Know what, Minerva?  Land sakes, you would think this was more an interrogation!  Some fine way to show your appreciation!  I could have just left you there in your classroom wallowing in your own vomit and inhaling squash for the rest of the morning!"  Poppy shot back.  Minerva fought a slightly queasy feeling and continued.  

            "Albus doesn't deserve what you're doing to him," Minerva said sternly.  "He's a good and humble man and he doesn't deserve to be toyed with that way.  Neither does Alastor for that matter!" 

            "Minerva, don't you think you're carrying this a little too far?" said Poppy.  

            "You'd best keep your mitts to yourself.  Isn't one man enough for you?" Minerva said through gritted teeth.  

            "You want Albus, take him.  But good luck getting him.  I could do things with a wand he'd never seen before," said Poppy, coyly turning and taking the cart away.  Minerva was furious.  

            'Tramp!" she shouted.  Minerva stormed out of the Hospital Wing, now determined to find some way to win Albus' heart.  

**************************************

            As soon as Minerva was gone, Rolanda and Albus peeked out from behind the curtains of another bed.  

            "I'd have given anything to see the look on her face when you shoved that thermometer--"

            "Rolanda!" 

            "In any case, she believes that Poppy is toying with both myself and Alastor," said Albus.  

            "Yes, as difficult as it was not to laugh, she has taken the bait again," said Poppy.  "She believes that I'm in love with both you and Alastor."  A large, rough pair of hands encircled Poppy's waist and a head nuzzled into her neck seconds later.  

            "Did someone say my name?" 

            Getting past the initial shock of his silent arrival, Poppy gasped and turned in his arms, quickly batting his shoulder in protest as he warmly took advantage of this close proximity. 

            "Alastor Moody (kiss) don't you ever (kiss) do that to me again! (kiss)" Poppy said between kisses.  Alastor cupped her face in his hands and brushed her cheeks with his thumbs as he smiled.  Poppy's stern admonishment had not even made a dent in his enthusiasm, and this time, Poppy didn't stop him from kissing her again.  Albus chuckled and Rolanda shook her head as they tiptoed out of the Hospital Wing to implement the next phase of their plan without Poppy.  At least for now.  

            Her fury stoked further by Poppy's flirtations, Minerva walked with heavy steps back toward her room.  She could have walked much faster, but her sore bum wasn't helping matters much.  On a positive note, at least Poppy hadn't insisted upon an injection in the same area as well.  For as advanced as many things in the wizarding world seemed, it still lacked certain advances in the field of medicine and still relied on rather heavy needles.  Suppressing a shudder, Minerva arrived in her room and quickly shut the door behind her.  She had a precious half hour before her next class and a nap was very much in order.  

            Very gently, Minerva lay down on her bed, pulling a quilt over herself.  As her eyes drooped shut, she imagined that Albus was pulling the quilt more properly over her and kissing her forehead as she drifted off.  She had never had a daydream that felt so real.  If she didn't know any better, she'd have thought that Albus was really there.  As sleep claimed Minerva's consciousness, Albus tiptoed toward the door.  Rolanda was waiting for him and beckoning for him to hurry.  Rolanda had planted a well written excerpt from Poppy's journal, a faked one that Poppy had written, just inside Minerva's bedroom door.  If this didn't make her react, nothing would.  

            Standing at the door, Albus turned to look at Minerva again.  She was sleeping so peacefully, he couldn't imagine waking her to teach any more today.  He himself would teach her transfiguration classes in her stead.  With this, they softly shut the door and Minerva slept on well into the afternoon.  

**************************************

            When Minerva awoke, she was shocked to find that it was now closer to dinner than lunch.  She quickly rose from her bed, frantically looking for her watch.  Dear Merlin, it was nearly four!  She was about to panic when she noticed the scrap of parchment near the door.  Where had that come from?  She picked it up and glanced over the writing to determine what it was.  As she read, her eyes opened in shock; this was part of Poppy's diary!  She sank to her couch to read, poring over each word with rapt attention.  

            _"I treated Minerva today for an allergic reaction to squash and she insisted upon probing into the issue with Albus.  Albus is a beloved friend, but I don't think that I could love him the way that Minerva apparently does.  I can see it in her eyes that she loves him.  I find it absolutely darling that he feels the same way for her.  He taught all of her classes today so that she could rest and even tucked her in.  He is completely enamored with her and here I am, wooing two men, only one of whom I truly love.  Minerva is one of my closest friends and I hate to upset her, but it appears I already have.  I hope she can somehow forgive me for what I've done to her…." _

            The diary went on a bit longer about other happenings up to that part of the day.   Obviously, Poppy had written it this afternoon on her lunch break.  When Minerva finished reading, she nearly wept.  She owed Poppy an apology.  She had no right to call her all those things.  But the issue still remained, who had left the diary entry?  Minerva left her rooms to investigate.  

            "Minerva!" cried a voice.  Minerva stopped in her tracks and whirled in surprise to face Rolanda Hooch.  Rolanda skidded to a stop before Minerva and demanded very quickly that she had something important to tell her but they needed privacy so Rolanda promptly dragged her inside the door of and unused classroom.  

            "Dumbledore wants to see you and he doesn't look happy!" warned Rolanda, clutching Minerva's arms.  

            "Whatever would he be upset with me about?" asked Minerva in confusion.  

            "I don't know, but he said that he wants to see you right now," said Rolanda.  Minerva lost the feeling in her legs.  Dumbledore, in the fifty years that she had known him, had never been angry with her.  She walked back up the corridors and stairways and found herself before the large stone gargoyle that led to Albus' office.  For the first time in her life, she was afraid to go in.  She murmured the password and climbed the stairs with a trembling heart.  

************************************

            When Minerva arrived, the door was unlocked and she tiptoed inside, much like a child who knew she was in trouble.  Albus was sitting at his desk and he looked stern indeed.  As she allowed the shock of this look to wear off, she stared in disbelief as Poppy Pomfrey stood up from a chair at his side and left the room, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief and sniffling as she passed Minerva, shutting the door behind her.  Minerva was too stunned to speak.  

            "Minerva, I would like you to come and sit beside me," Albus said.  The temperature in the room dropped several degrees as he spoke; at least it did for Minerva.  She forced herself to comply and sat gingerly in the chair, too terrified to look at him.  

            "I've just had a very informative talk with Poppy," said Albus.  Minerva's stomach lurched.  

            "What do you have to say for yourself?  You are a rational woman, Minerva, and I hardly expected such behavior from you," said Albus.  "I can only think that you would only do such a thing for a reason."   Minerva took a deep breath and braced herself.  It wasn't in her nature to lie, but telling the truth was going to be like trying to swallow a set of bagpipes.  

            "I did indeed have a reason, Albus, and it was terribly complicated," said Minerva.  Albus gestured for her to continue.  

            "When Poppy insinuated that she was seeing both you and Alastor I couldn't bear to see her treat you that way.  You deserve better and I won't stand for it," said Minerva.  

            "What difference would it have made to you, Minerva?  What made you say all those things?" Albus asked.  

            "I…well…that is to say…I care about you too much to watch your heart be broken," Minerva finally stammered.  Albus sat quietly for a moment, as if he sensed that she wasn't finished.  

            "You've been the center of my world ever since I was eleven years old.  I can't stand to see her break your heart because…to tell you the honest truth…I've fallen in love with you and I can't even begin to imagine you with anyone else!" Minerva said, tears slipping down her cheeks at the end.  

            The look on Albus' face changed and it was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.  He reached forward and took hold her face in his hands.  

            "Oh, Minerva," he murmured. "I so hoped you would say that!"  Albus' thumbs brushed Minerva's cheeks as they leaned forward and shared their first kiss.  The chairs were not very helpful in this effort, so they rose to their feet and Albus pulled Minerva more properly into his arms.  He continued to kiss her, his hands now smoothing over her back and holding her snugly against him.  Minerva moaned softly as she kissed him in return, her arms wrapped securely around his neck. 

            Finally breaking the kiss, Minerva lingered in his arms.  Her eyes betrayed every emotion, every heartbeat that she had been hiding all those years.  

            "I've waited nearly fifty years for that kiss, Albus," Minerva murmured breathlessly.  

            "Whatever kept you?" Albus whimpered, kissing her again.  Suddenly, Minerva pulled back a bit.  

            "Wait.  How did Poppy know that you…you *did* tuck me in!  Oh my goodness, you…*you* taught my classes?" Minerva cried.  "But how did Rolanda find out that I was…Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore! " Minerva scolded as Albus' face went a sharp crimson in color.  

            "I'm afraid I have quite a bit of explaining to do, my dear," Albus replied sheepishly.  

            "Quite," Minerva said shortly, looking at Albus over the rims of her square glasses.  Slowly, he began to explain to her what had taken place.  The staged walk in the courtyard, the conversation she'd overheard and the squash in her classroom so that she would be sick and thus presented with an opportunity to confront Poppy.

            "You *deliberately* sent a student into my room with *squash* so that I would *have* to talk to Poppy?" Minerva growled.  Albus slowly nodded.  Minerva slowly rested her head in one hand covering her eyes.  "Albus…have you any idea what Poppy put me through after that episode?  There I was, vomiting my very stomach lining up and she--" Minerva recounted slowly, but Albus held up a hand to stop her.  

            "I know." 

            Minerva thought she would faint from the flush of scarlet that was rushing to her face.  She had to sit down for lack of anything to say that would convey what she was thinking right now.  

            "Tell me you were not there…"

            "I'm sorry, Minerva," mumbled Albus.  Minerva let her head fall forward into her hands.  She had never been so embarrassed in her life.  

            "You know," Albus suggested, "I may be able to make it up to you, but I'm not sure you would agree." Minerva lifted her head and arched a curious eyebrow.  Softly, he whispered something in her ear that made Minerva blush all over again.  She lightly covered her mouth with one hand, her eyes wide with surprise.  

            "Albus!" she whispered, fighting the urge to giggle.  Albus reached around Minerva's back and beneath her knees and lifted her into his arms, swinging her in a circle before he began to walk toward the stairs of his office toward his rooms.  All anyone standing below would have seen, as Rolanda and Poppy were as they hid behind the pillars of the office, would have been the sound of Minerva's laughter and then the slam of Albus' bedroom door.  Rolanda surmised that Albus' beard had tickled when he kissed Minerva, but Poppy rolled her eyes and tugged Rolanda's black necktie as she exited the office.  

            "It's about time those two decided to get together.  I was sick of the 'I wish she would snog me' look on Albus' face," commented Rolanda, her hands shoved into the pockets of her trousers in a very unladylike manner as they rode the staircase down from the Headmaster's office."Perhaps it's not to late for us to hear the pitter-patter of little Dumbledores one of these days?" said Rolanda.  Poppy smirked at her as the gargoyle became immobile behind them.

            "Well, I don't know about little Dumbledores, but we'll be hearing little Snapes before the end of the year," said Poppy, walking away from her.  It took Rolanda several seconds to absorb what Poppy was saying and then follow her.  She ran down the corridor and headed Poppy off, skidding to a stop in front of her and grabbing her shoulders.  

            "What did you say?" 

            "You heard me!" 

            "Say it again!" 

            "You're pregnant, Rolanda.  You're carrying twins as a matter of fact," Poppy added as Rolanda's hawkish eyes grew wide.  

            "Severus!" Rolanda shouted as she took off down the corridor in search of her husband, her blue robes billowing behind her and her boots thudding on the hard stone floor.  Poppy lagged behind, walking slowly as she smiled.  

            "There'll be a little Moody right behind them," Poppy murmured, lightly stroking her middle.  A slight breeze in the hall caused Poppy to look around for the source.  At her right shoulder, kissing it gently, was Alastor.  

            "What was that you were saying, Love?  I couldn't quite hear you," said Alastor.  Poppy lifted a hand to caress his face and pulled his ear close to her lips where she whispered what she had said moments ago.  Alastor's eyes lit like diamonds.  Poppy expected that her husband would simply combust with joy, but all he could do was fall to his knees and press his face against her belly.  Their unborn child was but a barely detectable bulge in its mother's womb, but small as it was, it was a miracle to Alastor all the same.  

            "A father…I'm a father!" Alastor murmured.  He stood moments later, kissing Poppy with all the energy he could possibly muster.  Poppy's wedding ring twinkled in the fading sunlight.  It had an invisibility charm on it that only reversed when Alastor gave Poppy her first kiss when he arrived home.  The two had been relatively quiet about their marriage due to the nature of Alastor's job, but now that their first child was on the way, they themselves would have some explaining to do.  

            Poppy snuggled into bed that night beside Alastor, his arms wrapped securely around her waist, and drifted off to sleep, thinking to herself the very thing Albus had said in the courtyard when all of this had started. 

            "Mission accomplished." 

**_The End! _**

**__**


End file.
